Many times in my life I’ve been in a situation where I didn’t 100% believe that I could do it. Confidence has not been a naturally occurring or comfortable part of my personality. Helping, guiding, nurturing, encouraging … I’ve got those covered. But putting myself out there with confidence … still working on it.
I used to think that if I had enough accomplishments, like the ‘academic hanging on the wall’ kind of accomplishments, then I would feel more confident because I, and everyone else, had some proof that I knew what I was doing. So I tried it for a while, setting goals, finishing tasks, striving for success, collecting certificates. In many ways this was very helpful: I learned a lot of valuable skills; I met a variety of interesting people; I discovered new things and read about fascinating subjects; I developed a broad knowledge base which helps me understand the world and interact with people; and it really is terrific fun to learn things. I am proud of myself for all I have achieved over the years. But what my success loop hasn’t done for me is that it hasn’t increased my confidence. Not really. I suppose that I do have confidence in particular skill sets and abilities. And I’m confident that things have a way of working out. But the deep- down, connection- to-self, belief-in-authentic-purpose, beautiful-on-the-inside type of confidence? This takes more than a certificate collection.
So where does this confidence come from? Well, I know that it comes from me. I’m still working out the exact details, but I have a hunch that it’s rather like Dorothy and the ruby slippers. The whole time she was searching, struggling, journeying, but not until she felt grateful for what she had and who she was did she understand her own power. So I think confidence comes from understanding and embracing your own power, and this is a process which takes some time.
When I find myself in a situation where I need a loving reminder that I am exactly where I need to be in this moment, I take 5 minutes to give myself a little pep talk. To help with my anxiety and impatience, I have integrated EFT tapping into my pep talks. Often this happens in the car, on the way to the event. I encourage myself with affirming statements. I’ll sit in silence with each statement and just let it sink in, allowing space to think. Some examples would be:
It’s okay that you don’t feel 100% confident in this moment. Maybe this is humility, or a thirst for knowledge and those are good things.
This situation is helping to move you closer to your goal.
Even though you are doing this self-doubt thing you do, you are still capable. You can choose to be peaceful, even though you have this self-doubt. So what, it’s just a feeling, it’s not you.
What if this all works out? Imagine the possibilities.
Even though you can’t see them right now, have faith that your ruby slippers are there when you’re ready to see them.
A strange lady talking to herself while driving? Could be. So what? Pavlik pep talks have become an important part of my process of developing deep, authentic confidence. I’m learning, slowly and with increasing patience, how to embrace my power. After all, who better to train as a cheerleader for my team than me?